How to Fail at Empathy.

Several close friends have pointed out to me that empathy is not my strongest quality. It's true, and it's something I'm trying to work on. The hardest part is resisting the urge to offer advice when all the other person really needs is someone to listen and be on their team. It takes a shift in mindset from "I want to help" to "I am here with you".

Romans 12:15-16 offers some good insight on this:

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight."

The last part is the kicker. Never be wise in your own sight. That's where the downfall always happens: when I try to become the expert. It's so easy to shift into thinking about my similar experiences and my ways of fixing a problem. The thing is, often when someone is hurting, they don't want to be told how to fix stuff unless they're literally asking for that type of help. Usually, when someone is hurting, they just want their frustrations to be heard. They want someone who will acknowledge their hurt and accept how they are feeling. They need someone who will be part of the struggle with them rather than standing on the sidelines offering counsel.

When we are with hurting friends, we need to check our motives. Are we humbly striving to follow Romans and "rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep"? Or do we really just want to be the one with all the answers?

Are you casting away the messenger?

This was my view at church on Sunday. Currently I am staying in the Nashville area with a good friend of mine, who happens to be part of the video crew. Coming from a basic no-frills church of about 30-40 people (including kids and babies) to a massive church of 1,500 was a bit of a culture shock at first. I feel like a lot of small-church people tend to judge those from the larger groups, making the whole lot out to be somewhat superficial. Sure, they have a lot more lights and flair. Due to size, people do tend to get divided up more so than smaller congregations. They have a much bigger music program, and projectors instead of hymnals. But you know what? We share the same Bible. We share the same God. As long as the church is faithfully teaching exactly what the Bible says, people can learn and grow in Him just as well in a large setting as others can in a small one.

It’s easy to judge in a split second based on appearances, but let’s slow down. When you encounter something new and different, take some time to listen and observe. Don’t be like the Pharisees, who cast Jesus away because He didn’t fit their preconceived notions of what seemed right. Check the message for truth before disregarding the messenger.

When He left there, the scribes and the Pharisees began to be very hostile and to question Him closely on many subjects, plotting against Him to catch Him in something He might say. - Luke 11:53-54

Intoxicated With Success

The photo above is from my little local county fair, specifically the photography department of which I am in charge of. Over the week of the event, I dealt with various frustrations while setting it up. The biggest of these frustrations was the skepticism from our county fair director, who almost always had some criticism for how I was arranging my area each time I encountered her. When all was said and done, however, it all was a huge success. My immediate thought afterwards? "Ha, in your face! I KNEW the little changes I made were improvements!"

A few weeks later, my pastor brought up Zechariah 10:7 - "The Ephraimites will become like warriors, and their hearts will be glad as with wine. Their children will see it and be joyful; their hearts will rejoice in the LORD." and noted that "it is easy to become intoxicated with our own success" and that we ought to be rejoicing in the Lord for His provision and kindness. After church, my mind wandered back to the county fair. What did I do just a few weeks ago? I reveled in my own accomplishment, forgetting God entirely for the time. Thankfully, I had one of my best friends at my side, who reminded me several times throughout the week that "God is good" and "He is in control."

Looking back on it all, what have I learned?

I have learned two main things:

1.) It matters who your friends are. It truly is important to form close relationships with those who will glorify God and invite you to do the same when your mind isn't on the path to praise Him.

2.) I don't know about you, but I am very susceptible to becoming obsessed with my own success. I focus so hard on what I am doing that I forget what God is doing.

Let's remember who God is, what He can do, and try to keep close company with those who remind us of such truths in our weak moments.

Reaction Alert

Sometimes, though we have very good intentions and generally do trust God, we can miss things. Not only that, but we can easily allow our reactions to take us over. The story of Balaam illustrates that rather well. It begins with him proclaiming his loyalty to God:

"But Balaam answered and said to the servants of Balak, “Though Balak were to give me his house full of silver and gold, I could not go beyond the command of the Lord my God to do less or more." Numbers 22:18

As the narrative goes on, he encounters God's providence, but despite his trust and loyalty to Him, it doesn't strike Balaam at first that perhaps this obstacle has been sent by the Lord. All he sees is his donkey acting out- and even when the animal speaks, he is too taken by his angry reaction to stop and ask how and why his animal is speaking to him.

"When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, she lay down under Balaam. And Balaam's anger was kindled, and he struck the donkey with his staff. Then the Lord opened the mouth of the donkey, and she said to Balaam, “What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?” And Balaam said to the donkey, “Because you have made a fool of me. I wish I had a sword in my hand, for then I would kill you.” And the donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your donkey, on which you have ridden all your life long to this day? Is it my habit to treat you this way?” And he said, “No.” Then the Lord opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the way, with his drawn sword in his hand. And he bowed down and fell on his face." - Numbers 22:27-31

What can we learn here? God works in all sorts of ways. Sometimes He is working in our hearts and minds as we pray and read the Bible. Sometimes He is working through our conscience. But He also can and does work through circumstances. Look at life in this light- even the most annoying obstacles can play a part in His will.

Thoughts From The Ditch

Not many people would be laughing at themselves in my position. Currently I am sitting in the ditch with my emergency flashers going, waiting for a tow truck to arrive and get me out of a snow bank. Not that it's hilarious that I am stuck here, but the fact of the matter is I am fine, my car is fine, and I just feel a little silly. Why? Because all winter long I've been rolling my eyes at people who can't drive in the snow. But I’ve got this, I say to myself, as I confidently maneuver my little all-wheel-drive through the streets.

This morning I was reading my Bible and noting God’s high view of humility. Heh, little did I consider just how prideful I've been about my winter driving skills and my vehicle’s abilities… Well, until now. At any rate, God is good. Really really good- I didn't hit the other car that was in the ditch, I didn't hit anything that could damage my car, and no injuries were incurred, aside to my pride (but apparently I needed that!).

What did I learn tonight? Black ice is startling and you don't know it's there until you're on top of it. I also learned that sliding into the ditch can happen to anyone, no matter how good their car is or how skilled they are at winter driving. Most importantly though, I learned that sometimes we need God to let us hit a little adversity to show us where we need to improve.

"Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall." - Proverbs 16:18

Our Blurred Vision of a "Silent" Night

We all tend to take the story of Christ's birth for granted, and on top of that, our cultural depictions of the nativity have caused us to have an askew perception of what it all actually would have looked like. Due to this, many of us have lost (or perhaps never fully gained) an appreciation for the night of Jesus' birth and the hardship of those involved. Hardship, You wonder? But what about a "Silent Night"? 

Imagine it. You're required by your governing authorities to travel roughly 89 miles - without the use of modern vehicles. According to Google Maps, this would take around 30 hours under normal circumstances, but your wife is so pregnant she could pop at any time and likely has to travel slower. Once you get into town, all the boarding houses (which at the time would generally be large shared rooms without actual beds) are stuffed to the gills - you have nowhere else to turn, so you are forced to take up the innkeeper's offer to stay with the animals. 

If you've ever been in a barn, you know they are full of dirt, flies, manure, noise, and a general stench. That's a modern barn, with running water available to hose it out every now and then. The stables of that day would have been smaller, lacking any running water, and most in that day were small caves or cut-outs in stone. Top it all off by helping your young wife give birth to her first child in there- on the ground, with no anesthetic or sanitary precautions. Oh, and that cute wooden manger artists depict? Try a stone trough, full of old animal food, drool, possibly flies, and who-knows-what-all-else, to lay your newborn infant in. 

A lot to take in, is it not? Miraculous? Absolutely. Wonderful? Entirely. Silent and peaceful? Probably not. Nothing in scripture seems to warrant such an assumption, and really, why should it? Despite being the Son of God, Jesus Christ faced hardship at every turn throughout His life and death as a human on earth. Why would His birth be any different?

All this, however, is not to detract from the glory of it all. It IS a glorious occasion, and it shows the incredible humility of our Lord, to forego a dramatic kingly entrance (of which He absolutely deserves and could command!) and instead be born in this fashion. Remember these things as you celebrate throughout the Christmas season this year. Glorify Him, and don't get too caught up in the pageantry.


"In those days a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. This was the first registration when Quirinius was governor of Syria. And all went to be registered, each to his own town. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, from the town of Nazareth, to Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, to be registered with Mary, his betrothed [that is, his fiancée], who was with child. And while they were there, the time came for her to give birth. And she gave birth to her firstborn son and wrapped him in swaddling cloths and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the inn."  - Luke 2:1-7